I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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