My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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