hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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