I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
