Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why do cheetos always look like penises
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
