What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Panties = found
Randomize
