i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
