and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Semen is not good for contacts.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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