Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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