I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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