I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
