when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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