Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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