booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
