see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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