I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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