After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
