Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Come see our sink grown plant.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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