ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
