so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Randomize
