I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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