You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
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Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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