turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
