We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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