All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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