I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
