Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
