Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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