i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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