Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The best revenge is premature balding
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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