Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
