If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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