i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
