a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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