do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
