I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
