you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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