my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
