you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
