i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
