So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
