he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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