Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
