just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
