shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
