the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize