I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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