did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
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Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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