no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How naked do you want me to be?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
