Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize