I could have mohawked her pubes.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
