I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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