Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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