dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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