***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
