Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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