Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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