Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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