hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
