my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
