Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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