After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
