Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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