Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
