Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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