Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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