I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
