I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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