I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You are the jesus of drinking
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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