I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
