could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
